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no； you shoot wide of the mark a mile； indeed you do； that's not it；
Mr。 Careless； no； no； that's not it。
CARE。 No？ What can be the matter then？
SIR PAUL。 You'll scarcely believe me when I shall tell youmy lady
is so nice。 It's very strange； but it's true； too trueshe's so
very nice； that I don't believe she would touch a man for the world。
At least not above once a year； I'm sure I have found it so； and；
alas； what's once a year to an old man； who would do good in his
generation？ Indeed it's true； Mr。 Careless； it breaks my heart。 I
am her husband； as I may say； though far unworthy of that honour；
yet I am her husband； but alas…a…day； I have no more familiarity
with her personas to that matterthan with my own motherno
indeed。
CARE。 Alas…a…day； this is a lamentable story。 My lady must be told
on't。 She must i'faith； Sir Paul； 'tis an injury to the world。
SIR PAUL。 Ah！ would to heaven you would； Mr。 Careless； you are
mightily in her favour。
CARE。 I warrant you； what！ we must have a son some way or other。
SIR PAUL。 Indeed I should be mightily bound to you if you could
bring it about； Mr。 Careless。
LADY PLYANT。 Here； Sir Paul； it's from your steward。 Here's a
return of 600 pounds； you may take fifty of it for the next half
year。 ＇Gives him the letter。＇
SCENE IX。
＇To them＇ LORD FROTH； CYNTHIA。
SIR PAUL。 How does my girl？ Come hither to thy father； poor lamb：
thou'rt melancholic。
LORD FROTH。 Heaven； Sir Paul； you amaze me； of all things in the
world。 You are never pleased but when we are all upon the broad
grin： all laugh and no company； ah； then 'tis such a sight to see
some teeth。 Sure you're a great admirer of my Lady Whifler； Mr。
Sneer； and Sir Laurence Loud； and that gang。
SIR PAUL。 I vow and swear she's a very merry woman； but I think she
laughs a little too much。
LORD FROTH。 Merry！ O Lord； what a character that is of a woman of
quality。 You have been at my Lady Whifler's upon her day； madam？
CYNT。 Yes； my lord。 I must humour this fool。 ＇Aside。＇
LORD FROTH。 Well； and how？ hee！ What is your sense of the
conversation？
CYNT。 Oh； most ridiculous； a perpetual comfort of laughing without
any harmony； for sure； my lord； to laugh out of time； is as
disagreeable as to sing out of time or out of tune。
LORD FROTH。 Hee； hee； hee； right； and then； my Lady Whifler is so
readyshe always comes in three bars too soon。 And then； what do
they laugh at？ For you know laughing without a jest is as
impertinent； hee！ as； as …
CYNT。 As dancing without a fiddle。
LORD FROTH。 Just i'faith； that was at my tongue's end。
CYNT。 But that cannot be properly said of them； for I think they
are all in good nature with the world； and only laugh at one
another； and you must allow they have all jests in their persons；
though they have none in their conversation。
LORD FROTH。 True； as I'm a person of honour。 For heaven's sake let
us sacrifice 'em to mirth a little。 ＇Enter BOY and whispers SIR
PAUL。＇
SIR PAUL。 Gads so。Wife； wife； my Lady Plyant； I have a word。
LADY PLYANT。 I'm busy； Sir Paul； I wonder at your impertinence。
CARE。 Sir Paul； harkee； I'm reasoning the matter you know。 Madam；
if your ladyship please； we'll discourse of this in the next room。
SIR PAUL。 O ho； I wish you good success； I wish you good success。
Boy； tell my lady； when she has done； I would speak with her below。
SCENE X。
CYNTHIA； LORD FROTH； LADY FROTH； BRISK。
LADY FROTH。 Then you think that episode between Susan； the dairy…
maid； and our coachman is not amiss； you know； I may suppose the
dairy in town； as well as in the country。
BRISK。 Incomparable； let me perish。 But then； being an heroic
poem； had you not better call him a charioteer？ Charioteer sounds
great； besides； your ladyship's coachman having a red face； and you
comparing him to the sunand you know the sun is called Heaven's
charioteer。
LADY FROTH。 Oh； infinitely better； I'm extremely beholden to you
for the hint； stay； we'll read over those half a score lines again。
＇Pulls out a paper。＇ Let me see here； you know what goes before；
the comparison； you know。 ＇Reads。＇
For as the sun shines ev'ry day；
So of our coachman I may say。
BRISK。 I'm afraid that simile won't do in wet weather； because you
say the sun shines every day。
LADY FROTH。 No； for the sun it won't； but it will do for the
coachman； for you know there's most occasion for a coach in wet
weather。
BRISK。 Right； right； that saves all。
LADY FROTH。 Then I don't say the sun shines all the day； but that
he peeps now and then； yet he does shine all the day too； you know；
though we don't see him。
BRISK。 Right； but the vulgar will never comprehend that。
LADY FROTH。 Well； you shall hear。 Let me see。 ＇Reads。＇
For as the sun shines ev'ry day；
So of our coachman I may say；
He shows his drunken fiery face；
Just as the sun does； more or less。
BRISK。 That's right； all's well； all's well。 'More or less。'
LADY FROTH reads：
And when at night his labour's done；
Then too； like Heav'n's charioteer the sun：
Ay； charioteer does better。
Into the dairy he descends；
And there his whipping and his driving ends；
There he's secure from danger of a bilk；
His fare is paid him； and he sets in milk。
For Susan you know； is Thetis； and so …
BRISK。 Incomparable well and proper； egadbut I have one exception
to makedon't you think bilk（I know it's good rhyme）but don't
you think BILK and FARE too like a hackney coachman？
LADY FROTH。 I swear and vow I'm afraid so。 And yet our Jehu was a
hackney coachman； when my lord took him。
BRISK。 Was he？ I'm answered； if Jehu was a hackney coachman。 You
may put that in the marginal notes though； to prevent criticism
only mark it with a small asterism； and say； 'Jehu was formerly a
hackney coachman。'
LADY FROTH。 I will。 You'd oblige me extremely to write notes to
the whole poem。
BRISK。 With all my heart and soul； and proud of the vast honour；
let me perish。
LORD FROTH。 Hee； hee； hee； my dear； have you done？ won't you join
with us？ We were laughing at my Lady Whifler and Mr。 Sneer。
LADY FROTH。 Ay； my dear； were you？ Oh； filthy Mr。 Sneer； he's a
nauseous figure； a most fulsamic fop； foh！ He spent two days
together in going about Covent Garden to suit the lining of his
coach with his complexion。
LORD FROTH。 O silly！ yet his aunt is as fond of him as if she had
brought the ape into the world herself。
BRISK。 Who； my Lady Toothless？ Oh； she's a mortifying spectacle；
she's always chewing the cud like an old ewe。
CYNT。 Fie； Mr。 Brisk； eringo's for her cough。
LADY FROTH。 I have seen her take 'em half chewed out of her mouth；
to laugh； and then put 'em in again。 Foh！
LORD FROTH。 Foh！
LADY FROTH。 Then she's always ready to laugh when Sneer offers to
speak； and sits in expectation of his no jest； with her gums bare；
and her mouth open …
BRISK。 Like an oyster at low ebb； egad。 Ha； ha； ha！
CYNT。 ＇Aside＇ Well； I find there are no fools so inconsiderable in
themselves but they can render other people contemptible by exposing
their infirmities。
LADY FROTH。 Then that t'other great strapping ladyI can't hit of
her name； the old fat fool that paints so exorbitantly。
BRISK。 I know whom you meanbut deuce take me； I can't hit of her
name neither。 Paints； d'ye say？ Why； she lays it on with a trowel。
Then she has a great beard that bristles through it； and makes her
look as if she were plastered with lime and hair； let me perish。
LADY FROTH。 Oh； you made a song upon her； Mr。 Brisk。
BRISK。 He！ egad； so I did。 My lord can sing it。
CYNT。 O good； my lord； let's hear it。
BRISK。 'Tis not a song neither； it's a sort of an epigram； or
rather an epigrammatic sonnet； I don't know what to call it； but
it's satire。 Sing it； my lord。
LORD FROTH sings。
Ancient Phyllis has young graces；
'Tis a strange thing； but a true one；
Shall I tell you how？
She herself makes her own faces；
And each morning wears a new one；
Where's the wonder now？
BRISK。 Short； but there's salt in't； my way of writing； egad。
SCENE XI。
＇To them＇ FOOTMAN。
LADY FROTH。 How now？
FOOT。 Your ladyship's chair is come。
LADY FROTH。 Is nurse and the child in it？
FOOT。 Yes； madam。
LADY FROTH。 O the dear creature！ Let's go see it。
LORD FROTH。 I swear； my dear； you'll spoil that child； with sending
it to and again so often； this is the seventh time the chair has
gone for her to…day。
LADY FROTH。 O law！ I swear it's but the sixthand I haven't seen
her these two hours。 The poor creatureI swear； my lord； you don't