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drop of it； but throw it away； or give it to any other who will
receive it； by which means some who were not disgusted by the
nauseousness drank double and treble portions。 I observed a
beautiful young female； who； tasting it immediately from
curiosity； screwed up her face and cast it from her with great
disdain； whence advancing presently to the wheel； she drew a
coronet； which she clapped up so eagerly that I could not
distinguish the degree； and indeed I observed several of the same
sex； after a very small sip； throw the bottles away。 As soon as
the spirit is dismissed by the operator； or apothecary； he is at
liberty to approach the wheel； where he hath a right to extract a
single lot： but those whom Fortune favors she permits sometimes
secretly to draw three or four。 I observed a comical kind of
figure who drew forth a handful； which； when he opened； were a
bishop； a general； a privy…counselor； a player； and a poet…
laureate； and； returning the three first； he walked off； smiling；
with the two last。 Every single lot contained two more articles；
which were generally disposed so as to render the lots as equal
as possible to each other； on one was written； EARL； RICHES；
HEALTH； DISQUIETUDE； on another； COBLER； SICKNESS； GOOD…HUMOR； on
a third； POET； CONTEMPT； SELF…SATISFACTION； on a fourth； GENERAL；
HONOR； DISCONTENT； on a fifth； COTTAGE； HAPPY LOVE； on a sixth；
COACH AND SIX； IMPOTENT JEALOUS HUSBAND； on a seventh； PRIME
MINISTER； DISGRACE； on an eighth； PATRIOT； GLORY； on a ninth；
PHILOSOPHER； POVERTY； EASE； on a tenth； MERCHANT； RICHES； CARE。
And indeed the whole seemed to contain such a mixture of good and
evil； that it would have puzzled me which to choose。 I must not
omit here that in every lot was directed whether the drawer
should marry or remain in celibacy； the married lots being all
marked with a large pair of horns。 We were obliged； before we
quitted this place； to take each of us an emetic from the
apothecary； which immediately purged us of all our earthly
passions； and presently the cloud forsook our eyes； as it doth
those of Aeneas in Virgil； when removed by Venus； and we
discerned things in a much clearer light than before。 We began
to compassionate those spirits who were making their entry into
the flesh； whom we had till then secretly envied； and to long
eagerly for those delightful plains which now opened themselves
to our eyes； and to which we now hastened with the utmost
eagerness。 On our way we met with several spirits with very
dejected countenances； but our expedition would not suffer us to
ask any questions。 At length we arrived at the gate of Elysium。
Here was a prodigious crowd of spirits waiting for admittance；
some of whom were admitted； and some were rejected； for all were
strictly examined by the porter； whom I soon discovered to be the
celebrated judge Minos。
CHAPTER VII
The proceedings of judge Minos at the gate of Elysium。
I now got near enough to the gate to hear the several claims of
those who endeavored to pass。 The first among other pretensions；
set forth that he had been very liberal to an hospital； but Minos
answered； 〃Ostentation；〃 and repulsed him。 The second exhibited
that he had constantly frequented his church； been a rigid
observer of fast…days： he likewise represented the great
animosity he had shown to vice in others； which never escaped his
severest censure； and as to his own behavior； he had never been
once guilty of whoring； drinking； gluttony； or any other excess。
He said he had disinherited his son for getting a bastard。 〃Have
you so？〃 said Minos； 〃then pray return into the other world and
beget another； for such an unnatural rascal shall never pass this
gate。〃 A dozen others； who had advanced with very confident
countenances； seeing him rejected； turned about of their own
accord； declaring； if he could not pass； they had no expectation；
and accordingly they followed him back to earth； which was the
fate of all who were repulsed； they being obliged to take a
further purification； unless those who were guilty of some very
heinous crimes； who were hustled in at a little back gate； whence
they tumbled immediately into the bottomless pit。
The next spirit that came up declared he had done neither good
nor evil in the world； for that since his arrival at man's estate
he had spent his whole time in search of curiosities； and
particularly in the study of butterflies； of which he had
collected an immense number。 Minos made him no answer； but with
great scorn pushed him back。 There now advanced a very beautiful
spirit indeed。 She began to ogle Minos the moment she saw him。
She said she hoped there was some merit in refusing a great
number of lovers； and dying a maid； though she had had the choice
of a hundred。 Minos told her she had not refused enow yet； and
turned her back。
She was succeeded by a spirit who told the judge he believed his
works would speak for him。 〃What works？〃 answered Minos。 〃My
dramatic works；〃 replied the other； 〃which have done so much good
in recommending virtue and punishing vice。〃 〃Very well；〃 said
the judge； 〃if you please to stand by； the first person who
passes the gate by your means shall carry you in with him； but；
if you will take my advice； I think； for expedition sake； you had
better return； and live another life upon earth。〃 The bard
grumbled at this； and replied that； besides his poetical works；
he had done some other good things： for that he had once lent
the whole profits of a benefit…night to a friend； and by that
means had saved him and his family from destruction。 Upon this
the gate flew open； and Minos desired him to walk in； telling
him； if he had mentioned this at first； he might have spared the
remembrance of his plays。 The poet answered； he believed； if
Minos had read his works； he would set a higher value on them。
He was then beginning to repeat； but Minos pushed him forward；
and； turning his back to him； applied himself to the next
passenger； a very genteel spirit； who made a very low bow to
Minos； and then threw himself into an erect attitude； and
imitated the motion of taking snuff with his right hand。 Minos
asked him what he had to say for himself。 He answered； he would
dance a minuet with any spirit in Elysium： that he could
likewise perform all his other exercises very well； and hoped he
had in his life deserved the character of a perfect fine
gentleman。 Minos replied it would be great pity to rob the world
of so fine a gentleman； and therefore desired him to take the
other trip。 The beau bowed； thanked the judge； and said he
desired no better。
Several spirits expressed much astonishment at this his
satisfaction； but we were afterwards informed he had not taken
the emetic above mentioned。
A miserable old spirit now crawled forwards； whose face I thought
I had formerly seen near Westminster Abbey。 He entertained Minos
with a long harangue of what he had done when in the HOUSE； and
then proceeded to inform him how much he was worth； without
attempting to produce a single instance of any one good action。
Minos stopped the career of his discourse； and acquainted him he
must take a trip back again。
〃What！ to S house？〃 said the spirit in an ecstasy； but the
judge； without making him any answer； turned to another； who with
a very solemn air and great dignity； acquainted him he was a
duke。 〃To the right…about； Mr。 Duke；〃 cried Minos； 〃you are
infinitely too great a man for Elysium；〃 and then； giving him a
kick on the bch； he addressed himself to a spirit who； with
fear and trembling； begged he might not go to the bottomless pit：
he said he hoped Minos would consider that； though he had gone
astray； he had suffered for itthat it was necessity which drove
him to the robbery of eighteenpence； which he had committed； and
for which he was hangedthat he had done some good actions in
his lifethat he had supported an aged parent with his labor
that he had been a very tender husband and a kind fatherand
that he had ruined himself by being bail for his friend。 At
which words the gate opened； and Minos bade him enter； giving him
a slap on the back as he passed by him。 A great number of
spirits now came forwards； who all declared they had the same
claim； and that the captain should speak for them。 He acquainted
the judge that they had been all slain in the service of their
country。 Minos was going to admit them； but had the curiosity to
ask who had been the invader； in order； as he said； to prepare
the back gate for him。 The captain answered they had been the
invaders themselvesthat they had entered the enemy's country；
and burned and plundered several cities。 〃And for what reason？〃
said Minos。 〃By the command of him who paid us；〃 said the
captain； 〃that is the reason of a soldier。 We are to execute
whatever we are commanded； or we should be a disgrace to