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that it was impossible to pass through it without the utmost
danger and difficulty； the other； the most delightful imaginable；
leading through the most verdant meadows； painted and perfumed
with all kinds of beautiful flowers； in short； the most wanton
imagination could imagine nothing more lovely。 Notwithstanding
which； we were surprised to see great numbers crowding into the
former； and only one or two solitary spirits choosing the latter。
On inquiry； we were acquainted that the bad road was the way to
greatness； and the other to goodness。 When we expressed our
surprise at the preference given to the former we were acquainted
that it was chosen for the sake of the music of drums and
trumpets； and the perpetual acclamations of the mob； with which
those who traveled this way were constantly saluted。 We were
told likewise that there were several noble palaces to be seen；
and lodged in； on this road； by those who had passed through the
difficulties of it （which indeed many were not able to surmount）；
and great quantities of all sorts of treasure to be found in it；
whereas the other had little inviting more than the beauty of the
way； scarce a handsome building； save one greatly resembling a
certain house by the Bath； to be seen during that whole journey；
and； lastly； that it was thought very scandalous and
mean…spirited to travel through this； and as highly honorable and
noble to pass by the other。 We now heard a violent noise； when；
casting our eyes forwards； we perceived a vast number of spirits
advancing in pursuit of one whom they mocked and insulted with
all kinds of scorn。 I cannot give my reader a more adequate idea
of this scene than by comparing it to an English mob conducting a
pickpocket to the water； or by supposing that an incensed
audience at a playhouse had unhappily possessed themselves of the
miserable damned poet。 Some laughed； some hissed； some squalled；
some groaned； some bawled； some spit at him； some threw dirt at
him。 It was impossible not to ask who or what the wretched
spirit was whom they treated in this barbarous manner； when； to
our great surprise； we were informed that it was a king： we were
likewise told that this manner of behavior was usual among the
spirits to those who drew the lots of emperors； kings； and other
great men； not from envy or anger； but mere derision and contempt
of earthly grandeur； that nothing was more common than for those
who had drawn these great prizes （as to us they seemed） to
exchange them with tailors and cobblers； and that Alexander the
Great and Diogenes had formerly done so； he that was afterwards
Diogenes having originally fallen on the lot of Alexander。 And
now； on a sudden； the mockery ceased； and the king…spirit； having
obtained a hearing； began to speak as follows； for we were now
near enough to hear him distinctly：
〃GENTLEMEN；I am justly surprised at your treating me in this
manner； since whatever lot I have drawn； I did not choose： if；
therefore； it be worthy of derision； you should compassionate me；
for it might have fallen to any of your shares。 I know in how
low a light the station to which fate hath assigned me is
considered here； and that； when ambition doth not support it； it
becomes generally so intolerable； that there is scarce any other
condition for which it is not gladly exchanged： for what
portion； in the world to which we are going； is so miserable as
that of care？ Should I therefore consider myself as become by
this lot essentially your superior； and of a higher order of
being than the rest of my fellow…creatures； should I foolishly
imagine myself without wisdom superior to the wise； without
knowledge to the learned； without courage to the brave； and
without goodness and virtue to the good and virtuous； surely so
preposterous； so absurd a pride； would justly render me the
object of ridicule。 But far be it from me to entertain it。 And
yet； gentlemen； I prize the lot I have drawn； nor would I
exchange it with any of yours； seeing it is in my eye so much
greater than the rest。 Ambition； which I own myself possessed
of； teaches me this； ambition； which makes me covet praise；
assures me that I shall enjoy a much larger proportion of it than
can fall within your power either to deserve or obtain。 I am
then superior to you all； when I am able to do more good； and
when I execute that power。 What the father is to the son； the
guardian to the orphan； or the patron to his client； that am I to
you。 You are my children； to whom I will be a father； a
guardian； and a patron。 Not one evening in my long reign （for so
it is to be） will I repose myself to rest without the glorious；
the heart…warming consideration； that thousands that night owe
their sweetest rest to me。 What a delicious fortune is it to him
whose strongest appetite is doing good； to have every day the
opportunity and the power of satisfying it！ If such a man hath
ambition； how happy is it for him to be seated so on high； that
every act blazes abroad； and attracts to him praises tainted with
neither sarcasm nor adulation； but such as the nicest and most
delicate mind may relish！ Thus； therefore； while you derive your
good from me； I am your superior。 If to my strict distribution
of justice you owe the safety of your property from domestic
enemies； if by my vigilance and valor you are protected from
foreign foes； if by my encouragement of genuine industry； every
science； every art which can embellish or sweeten life； is
produced and flourishes among you； will any of you be so
insensible or ungrateful as to deny praise and respect to him by
whose care and conduct you enjoy these blessings？ I wonder not
at the censure which so frequently falls on those in my station；
but I wonder that those in my station so frequently deserve it。
What strange perverseness of nature！ What wanton delight in
mischief must taint his composition； who prefers dangers；
difficulty； and disgrace； by doing evil； to safety； ease； and
honor； by doing good！ who refuses happiness in the other world；
and heaven in this； for misery there and hell here！ But； be
assured； my intentions are different。 I shall always endeavor
the ease； the happiness； and the glory of my people； being
confident that； by so doing； I take the most certain method of
procuring them all to myself。〃He then struck directly into the
road of goodness； and received such a shout of applause as I
never remember to have heard equaled。 He was gone a little way
when a spirit limped after him； swearing he would fetch him back。
This spirit； I was presently informed； was one who had drawn the
lot of his prime minister。
CHAPTER VI
An account of the wheel of fortune； with a method of preparing a
spirit for this world。
We now proceeded on our journey； without staying to see whether
he fulfilled his word or no； and without encountering anything
worth mentioning； came to the place where the spirits on their
passage to the other world were obliged to decide by lot the
station in which every one was to act there。 Here was a
monstrous wheel； infinitely larger than those in which I had
formerly seen lottery…tickets deposited。 This was called the
WHEEL OF FORTUNE。
The goddess herself was present。 She was one of the most
deformed females I ever beheld； nor could I help observing the
frowns she expressed when any beautiful spirit of her own sex
passed by her； nor the affability which smiled in her countenance
on the approach of any handsome male spirits。 Hence I accounted
for the truth of an observation I had often made on earth； that
nothing is more fortunate than handsome men； nor more unfortunate
than handsome women。 The reader may be perhaps pleased with an
account of the whole method of equipping a spirit for his
entrance into the flesh。
First； then； he receives from a very sage person； whose look much
resembled that of an apothecary （his warehouse likewise bearing
an affinity to an apothecary's shop）； a small phial inscribed；
THE PATHETIC POTION； to be taken just before you are born。 This
potion is a mixture of all the passions； but in no exact
proportion； so that sometimes one predominates； and sometimes
another； nay； often in the hurry of making up； one particular
ingredient is； as we were informed； left out。 The spirit
receiveth at the same time another medicine called the NOUSPHORIC
DECOCTION； of which he is to drink ad libitum。 This decoction is
an extract from the faculties of the mind； sometimes extremely
strong and spirituous； and sometimes altogether as weak； for very
little care is taken in the preparation。 This decoction is so
extremely bitter and unpleasant； that； notwithstanding its
wholesomeness； several spirits will not be persuaded to swallow a
drop of it； but throw it away； or give it to any other who will
receive it； by which means some who were not disgusted by the
nauseousnes