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about it； to deliver the letters nearer the ground。 Getting your letters out
of those boxes must be tricky work even to the average middle…aged
German。〃
I followed his gaze out of window。 I said：
〃Those are not letter…boxes； they are birds' nests。 You must
understand this nation。 The German loves birds； but he likes tidy birds。
A bird left to himself builds his nest just anywhere。 It is not a pretty
object； according to the German notion of prettiness。 There is not a bit of
paint on it anywhere； not a plaster image all round； not even a flag。 The
nest finished； the bird proceeds to live outside it。 He drops things on the
grass； twigs； ends of worms； all sorts of things。 He is indelicate。 He
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makes love； quarrels with his wife； and feeds the children quite in public。
The German householder is shocked。 He says to the bird：
〃'For many things I like you。 I like to look at you。 I like to hear you
sing。 But I don't like your ways。 Take this little box； and put your
rubbish inside where I can't see it。 Come out when you want to sing； but
let your domestic arrangements be confined to the interior。 Keep to the
box； and don't make the garden untidy。'〃
In Germany one breathes in love of order with the air； in Germany the
babies beat time with their rattles； and the German bird has come to prefer
the box； and to regard with contempt the few uncivilised outcasts who
continue to build their nests in trees and hedges。 In course of time every
German bird； one is confident； will have his proper place in a full chorus。
This promiscuous and desultory warbling of his must； one feels； be
irritating to the precise German mind； there is no method in it。 The
music…loving German will organise him。 Some stout bird with a
specially well… developed crop will be trained to conduct him； and； instead
of wasting himself in a wood at four o'clock in the morning； he will； at the
advertised time； sing in a beer garden； accompanied by a piano。 Things
are drifting that way。
Your German likes nature； but his idea of nature is a glorified Welsh
Harp。 He takes great interest in his garden。 He plants seven rose trees
on the north side and seven on the south； and if they do not grow up all the
same size and shape it worries him so that he cannot sleep of nights。
Every flower he ties to a stick。 This interferes with his view of the flower；
but he has the satisfaction of knowing it is there； and that it is behaving
itself。 The lake is lined with zinc； and once a week he takes it up； carries
it into the kitchen； and scours it。 In the geometrical centre of the grass
plot； which is sometimes as large as a tablecloth and is generally railed
round； he places a china dog。 The Germans are very fond of dogs； but as a
rule they prefer them of china。 The china dog never digs holes in the
lawn to bury bones； and never scatters a flower…bed to the winds with his
hind legs。 From the German point of view； he is the ideal dog。 He
stops where you put him； and he is never where you do not want him。 You
can have him perfect in all points； according to the latest requirements of
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the Kennel Club； or you can indulge your own fancy and have something
unique。 You are not； as with other dogs； limited to breed。 In china； you
can have a blue dog or a pink dog。 For a little extra； you can have a
double…headed dog。
On a certain fixed date in the autumn the German stakes his flowers
and bushes to the earth； and covers them with Chinese matting； and on a
certain fixed date in the spring he uncovers them； and stands them up
again。 If it happens to be an exceptionally fine autumn； or an
exceptionally late spring； so much the worse for the unfortunate vegetable。
No true German would allow his arrangements to be interfered with by so
unruly a thing as the solar system。 Unable to regulate the weather； he
ignores it。
Among trees； your German's favourite is the poplar。 Other disorderly
nations may sing the charms of the rugged oak； the spreading chestnut； or
the waving elm。 To the German all such； with their wilful； untidy ways；
are eyesores。 The poplar grows where it is planted； and how it is planted。
It has no improper rugged ideas of its own。 It does not want to wave or
to spread itself。 It just grows straight and upright as a German tree
should grow； and so gradually the German is rooting out all other trees；
and replacing them with poplars。
Your German likes the country； but he prefers it as the lady thought
she would the noble savagemore dressed。 He likes his walk through the
woodto a restaurant。 But the pathway must not be too steep； it must
have a brick gutter running down one side of it to drain it； and every
twenty yards or so it must have its seat on which he can rest and mop his
brow； for your German would no more think of sitting on the grass than
would an English bishop dream of rolling down One Tree Hill。 He likes
his view from the summit of the hill； but he likes to find there a stone
tablet telling him what to look at； find a table and bench at which he can
sit to partake of the frugal beer and 〃belegte Semmel〃 he has been careful
to bring with him。 If； in addition； he can find a police notice posted on a
tree； forbidding him to do something or other； that gives him an extra
sense of comfort and security。
Your German is not averse even to wild scenery； provided it be not too
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wild。 But if he consider it too savage； he sets to work to tame it。 I
remember； in the neighbourhood of Dresden； discovering a picturesque
and narrow valley leading down towards the Elbe。 The winding roadway
ran beside a mountain torrent； which for a mile or so fretted and foamed
over rocks and boulders between wood…covered banks。 I followed it
enchanted until； turning a corner； I suddenly came across a gang of eighty
or a hundred workmen。 They were busy tidying up that valley； and
making that stream respectable。 All the stones that were impeding the
course of the water they were carefully picking out and carting away。
The bank on either side they were bricking up and cementing。 The
overhanging trees and bushes； the tangled vines and creepers they were
rooting up and trimming down。 A little further I came upon the finished
workthe mountain valley as it ought to be； according to German ideas。
The water； now a broad； sluggish stream； flowed over a level； gravelly bed；
between two walls crowned with stone coping。 At every hundred yards it
gently descended down three shallow wooden platforms。 For a space on
either side the ground had been cleared； and at regular intervals young
poplars planted。 Each sapling was protected by a shield of wickerwork
and bossed by an iron rod。 In the course of a couple of years it is the
hope of the local council to have 〃finished〃 that valley throughout its
entire length； and made it fit for a tidy…minded lover of German nature to
walk in。 There will be a seat every fifty yards； a police notice every
hundred； and a restaurant every half…mile。
They are doing the same from the Memel to the Rhine。 They are just
tidying up the country。 I remember well the Wehrthal。 It was once the
most romantic ravine to be found in the Black Forest。 The last time I