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Erewhon； has deliberately forfeited his chances of paradise。 For paradise
in the world to come is uncertain； but there is indeed a heaven on this earth；
a heaven which we inhabit when we read a good book。 Pour yourself
another glass of wine； and permit me〃
（Here followed an enthusiastic development of the perverse
philosophy of Samuel Butler； which； in deference to my readers； I omit。
Mr。 Gilbert took notes of the conversation in his pocketbook； and I am
pleased to say that his heart was moved to a realization of his iniquity； for
he was observed at the Public Library a few days later asking for a copy of
The Way of All Flesh。 After inquiring at four libraries； and finding all
copies of the book in circulation； he was compelled to buy one。 He never
regretted doing so。）
〃But I am forgetting my duties as host；〃 said Mifflin。 〃Our dessert
consists of apple sauce； gingerbread； and coffee。〃 He rapidly cleared the
empty dishes from the table and brought on the second course。
〃I have been noticing the warning over the sideboard；〃 said Gilbert。 〃I
hope you will let me help you this evening？〃 He pointed to a card
hanging near the kitchen door。 It read：
ALWAYS WASH DISHES IMMEDIATELY AFTER MEALS IT
SAVES TROUBLE
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
〃I'm afraid I don't always obey that precept；〃 said the bookseller as he
poured the coffee。 〃Mrs。 Mifflin hangs it there whenever she goes away；
to remind me。 But； as our friend Samuel Butler says； he that is stupid in
little will also be stupid in much。 I have a different theory about dish…
washing； and I please myself by indulging it。
〃I used to regard dish…washing merely as an ignoble chore； a kind of
hateful discipline which had to be undergone with knitted brow and brazen
fortitude。 When my wife went away the first time； I erected a reading
stand and an electric light over the sink； and used to read while my hands
went automatically through base gestures of purification。 I made the
great spirits of literature partners of my sorrow； and learned by heart a
good deal of Paradise Lost and of Walt Mason； while I soused and
wallowed among pots and pans。 I used to comfort myself with two lines of
Keats：
‘The moving waters at their priest…like task Of pure ablution round
earth's human shores'
Then a new conception of the matter struck me。 It is intolerable for
a human being to go on doing any task as a penance； under duress。 No
matter what the work is； one must spiritualize it in some way； shatter the
old idea of it into bits and rebuild it nearer to the heart's desire。 How was
I to do this with dish…washing？
〃I broke a good many plates while I was pondering over the matter。
Then it occurred to me that here was just the relaxation I needed。 I had
been worrying over the mental strain of being surrounded all day long by
vociferous books； crying out at me their conflicting views as to the glories
and agonies of life。 Why not make dish…washing my balm and poultice？
〃When one views a stubborn fact from a new angle； it is amazing how
all its contours and edges change shape！ Immediately my dishpan began
to glow with a kind of philosophic halo！ The warm； soapy water became
a sovereign medicine to retract hot blood from the head； the homely act of
washing and drying cups and saucers became a symbol of the order and
cleanliness that man imposes on the unruly world about him。 I tore down
my book rack and reading lamp from over the sink。
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
〃Mr。 Gilbert；〃 he went on； 〃do not laugh at me when I tell you that I
have evolved a whole kitchen philosophy of my own。 I find the kitchen
the shrine of our civilization； the focus of all that is comely in life。 The
ruddy shine of the stove is as beautiful as any sunset。 A well…polished jug
or spoon is as fair； as complete and beautiful； as any sonnet。 The dish
mop； properly rinsed and wrung and hung outside the back door to dry； is
a whole sermon in itself。 The stars never look so bright as they do from the
kitchen door after the ice…box pan is emptied and the whole place is ‘redd
up；' as the Scotch say。〃
〃A very delightful philosophy indeed；〃 said Gilbert。 〃And now that
we have finished our meal； I insist upon your letting me give you a hand
with the washing up。 I am eager to test this dish…pantheism of yours！〃
〃My dear fellow；〃 said Mifflin； laying a restraining hand on his
impetuous guest； 〃it is a poor philosophy that will not abide denial now
and then。 No； noI did not ask you to spend the evening with me to
wash dishes。〃 And he led the way back to his sitting room。
〃When I saw you come in；〃 said Mifflin； 〃I was afraid you might be a
newspaper man； looking for an interview。 A young journalist came to see
us once； with very unhappy results。 He wheedled himself into Mrs。
Mifflin's good graces； and ended by putting us both into a book； called
Parnassus on Wheels； which has been rather a trial to me。 In that book he
attributes to me a number of shallow and sugary observations upon
bookselling that have been an annoyance to the trade。 I am happy to say；
though； that his book had only a trifling sale。〃
〃I have never heard of it；〃 said Gilbert。
〃If you are really interested in bookselling you should come here some
evening to a meeting of the Corn Cob Club。 Once a month a number of
booksellers gather here and we discuss matters of bookish concern over
corn…cobs and cider。 We have all sorts and conditions of booksellers：
one is a fanatic on the subject of libraries。 He thinks that every public
library should be dynamited。 Another thinks that moving pictures will
destroy the book trade。 What rot！ Surely everything that arouses people's
minds； that makes them alert and questioning； increases their appetite for
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
books。〃
〃The life of a bookseller is very demoralizing to the intellect；〃 he went
on after a pause。 〃He is surrounded by innumerable books； he cannot
possibly read them all； he dips into one and picks up a scrap from another。
His mind gradually fills itself with miscellaneous flotsam； with superficial
opinions； with a thousand half…knowledges。 Almost unconsciously he
begins to rate literature according to what people ask for。 He begins to
wonder whether Ralph Waldo Trine isn't really greater than Ralph Waldo
Emerson； whether J。 M。 Chapple isn't as big a man as J。 M。 Barrie。 That
way lies intellectual suicide。
〃One thing； however； you must grant the good bookseller。 He is
tolerant。 He is patient of all ideas and theories。 Surrounded； engulfed by
the torrent of men's words； he is willing to listen to them all。 Even to the
publisher's salesman he turns an indulgent ear。 He is willing to be
humbugged for the weal of humanity。 He hopes unceasingly for good
books to be born。
〃My business； you see； is different from most。 I only deal in second…
hand books； I only buy books that I consider have some honest reason for
existence。 In so far as human judgment can discern； I try to keep trash
out of my shelves。 A doctor doesn't traffic in quack remedies。 I don't
traffic in bogus books。
〃A comical thing happened the other day。 There is a certain wealthy
man； a Mr。 Chapman； who has long frequented this shop〃
〃I wonder if that could be Mr。 Chapman of the Chapman Daintybits
Company？〃 said Gilbert； feeling his feet touch familiar soil。
〃The same； I believe；〃 said Mifflin。 〃Do you know him？〃
〃Ah；〃 cried the young man with reverence。