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the step of an outsider。
I no longer joined the boys on the playground at recess。 I stayed at my
desk reading some lugubrious volume…usually The Mysteries of Udolpho；
by the amiable Mrs。 Radcliffe。 A translation of The Sorrows of Werter fell
into my hands at this period； and if I could have committed suicide
without killing myself； I should certainly have done so。
On half…holidays； instead of fraternizing with Pepper and the rest of
our clique； I would wander off alone to Grave Point。
Grave Point…the place where Binny Wallace's body came ashore…was a
narrow strip of land running out into the river。 A line of Lombardy poplars；
stiff and severe； like a row of grenadiers； mounted guard on the water…side。
On the extreme end of the peninsula was an old disused graveyard；
tenanted principally by the early settlers who had been scalped by the
Indians。 In a remote corner of the cemetery； set apart from the other
mounds； was the grave of a woman who had been hanged in the old
colonial times for the murder of her infant。 Goodwife Polly Haines had
denied the crime to the last； and after her death there had arisen strong
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doubts as to her actual guilt。 It was a belief current among the lads of the
town； that if you went to this grave at nightfall on the 10th of November…
the anniversary of her execution…and asked； 〃For what did the magistrates
hang you？〃 a voice would reply； 〃Nothing。〃
Many a Rivermouth boy has tremblingly put this question in the dark；
and； sure enough； Polly Haines invariably answered nothing！
A low red…brick wall； broken down in many places and frosted over
with silvery moss； surrounded this burial…ground of our Pilgrim Fathers
and their immediate descendants。 The latest date on any of the headstones
was 1780。 A crop of very funny epitaphs sprung up here and there among
the overgrown thistles and burdocks； and almost every tablet had a death's…
head with cross…bones engraved upon it； or else a puffy round face with a
pair of wings stretching out from the ears； like this：
Cherub Graphic
These mortuary emblems furnished me with congenial food for
reflection。 I used to lie in the long grass； and speculate on the advantages
and disadvantages of being a cherub。
I forget what I thought the advantages were； but I remember distinctly
of getting into an inextricable tangle on two points： How could a cherub；
being all head and wings； manage to sit down when he was tired？ To have
to sit down on the back of his head struck me as an awkward alternative。
Again： Where did a cherub carry those indispensable articles （such as
jack…knives； marbles； and pieces of twine） which boys in an earthly state
of existence usually stow away in their trousers…pockets？
These were knotty questions； and I was never able to dispose of them
satisfactorily。
Meanwhile Pepper Whitcomb would scour the whole town in search of
me。 He finally discovered my retreat； and dropped in on me abruptly one
afternoon； while I was deep in the cherub problem。
〃Look here； Tom Bailey！〃 said Pepper； shying a piece of clam…shell
indignantly at the file jacet on a neighboring gravestone。 〃You are just
going to the dogs！ Can't you tell a fellow what in thunder ails you； instead
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of prowling round among the tombs like a jolly old vampire？〃
〃Pepper；〃 I replied； solemnly； 〃don't ask me。 All is not well here〃…
touching my breast mysteriously。 If I had touched my head instead； I
should have been nearer the mark。
Pepper stared at me。
〃Earthly happiness；〃 I continued； 〃is a delusion and a snare。 You will
never be happy； Pepper； until you are a cherub。〃
Pepper； by the by； would have made an excellent cherub； he was so
chubby。 Having delivered myself of these gloomy remarks； I arose
languidly from the grass and moved away； leaving Pepper staring after me
in mute astonishment。 I was Hamlet and Werter and the late Lord Byron
all in one。
You will ask what my purpose was in cultivating this factitious
despondency。 None whatever。 Blighted beings never have any purpose in
life excepting to be as blighted as possible。
Of course my present line of business could not long escape the eye of
Captain Nutter。 I don't know if the Captain suspected my attachment for
Miss Glentworth。 He never alluded to it； but he watched me。 Miss Abigail
watched me； Kitty Collins watched me； and Sailor Ben watched me。
〃I can't make out his signals；〃 I overheard the Admiral remark to my
grandfather one day。 〃I hope he ain't got no kind of sickness aboard。〃
There was something singularly agreeable in being an object of so
great interest。 Sometimes I had all I could do to preserve my dejected
aspect； it was so pleasant to be miserable。 I incline to the opinion that
people who are melancholy without any particular reason； such as poets；
artists； and young musicians with long hair； have rather an enviable time
of it。 In a quiet way I never enjoyed myself better in my life than when I
was a Blighted Being。
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CHAPTER Twenty
In Which I Prove Myself To Be the Grandson of My Grandfather
It was not possible for a boy of my temperament to be a blighted being
longer than three consecutive weeks。
I was gradually emerging from my self…imposed cloud when events
took place that greatly assisted in restoring me to a more natural frame of
mind。 I awoke from an imaginary trouble to face a real one。
I suppose you don't know what a financial crisis is？ I will give you an
illustration。
You are deeply in debt…say to the amount of a quarter of a dollar…to the
little knicknack shop round the corner； where they sell picture…papers；
spruce…gum； needles； and Malaga raisins。 A boy owes you a quarter of a
dollar； which he promises to pay at a certain time。 You are depending on
this quarter to settle accounts with the small shop…keeper。 The time
arrives…and the quarter doesn't。 That's a financial crisis； in one sense…
twenty…five senses； if I may say so。
When this same thing happens； on a grander scale； in the mercantile
world； it produces what is called a panic。 One man's inability to pay his
debts ruins another man； who； in turn； ruins someone else； and so on； until
failure after failure makes even the richest capitalists tremble。 Public
confidence is suspended； and the smaller fry of merchants are knocked
over like tenpins。
These commercial panics occur periodically； after the fashion of
comets and earthquakes and other disagreeable things。
Such a panic took place in New Orleans in the year 18…； and my
father's banking…house went to pieces in the crash。
Of a comparatively large fortune nothing remained after paying his
debts excepting a few thousand dollars； with which he proposed to return
North and embark in some less hazardous enterprise。 In the meantime it
was necessary for him to stay in New Orleans to wind up the business。
My grandfather was in some way involved in this failure； and lost； I
fancy； a considerable sum of money； but he never talked much on the
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subject。 He was an unflinching believer in the spilt…milk proverb。
〃It can't be gathered up；〃 he would say； 〃and it's no use crying over it。
Pitch into the cow and get some more milk； is my motto。〃
The suspension of the banking…house was bad enough； but there was
an attending circumstance that gave us； at Rivermouth； a great deal more
anxiety。 The cholera； which someone predicted would visit the country
that year； and which； indeed； had made its appearance in a mild form