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meat； when he hath only some particular friend； or his own family to dine
with him。 Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord； and grow
popular among his tenants； the mother will have eight shillings neat profit；
and be fit for work till she produces another child。
Those who are more thrifty （as I must confess the times require） may
flea the carcass； the skin of which； artificially dressed； will make
admirable gloves for ladies； and summer boots for fine gentlemen。
As to our City of Dublin； shambles may be appointed for this purpose；
in the most convenient parts of it； and butchers we may be assured will not
be wanting； although I rather recommend buying the children alive； and
dressing them hot from the knife； as we do roasting pigs。
A very worthy person； a true lover of his country； and whose virtues I
highly esteem； was lately pleased； in discoursing on this matter； to offer a
refinement upon my scheme。 He said； that many gentlemen of this
kingdom； having of late destroyed their deer； he conceived that the want of
venison might be well supply'd by the bodies of young lads and maidens；
not exceeding fourteen years of age； nor under twelve； so great a number
of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work
and service： And these to be disposed of by their parents if alive； or
otherwise by their nearest relations。 But with due deference to so excellent
a friend； and so deserving a patriot； I cannot be altogether in his
sentiments； for as to the males； my American acquaintance assured me
from frequent experience； that their flesh was generally tough and lean；
like that of our school…boys； by continual exercise； and their taste
disagreeable； and to fatten them would not answer the charge。 Then as to
the females； it would； I think； with humble submission； be a loss to the
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A Modest Proposal
publick； because they soon would become breeders themselves： And
besides； it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice； （although indeed very unjustly） as a little
bordering upon cruelty； which； I confess； hath always been with me the
strongest objection against any project； how well soever intended。
But in order to justify my friend； he confessed； that this expedient was
put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor； a native of the island
Formosa； who came from thence to London； above twenty years ago； and
in conversation told my friend； that in his country； when any young person
happened to be put to death； the executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality； as a prime dainty； and that； in his time； the body of a plump girl of
fifteen； who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor； was sold
to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state； and other great mandarins
of the court in joints from the gibbet； at four hundred crowns。 Neither
indeed can I deny； that if the same use were made of several plump young
girls in this town； who without one single groat to their fortunes； cannot
stir abroad without a chair； and appear at a play…house and assemblies in
foreign fineries which they never will pay for； the kingdom would not be
the worse。
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that
vast number of poor people； who are aged； diseased； or maimed； and I
have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken； to
ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance。 But I am not in the least
pain upon that matter； because it is very well known； that they are every
day dying； and rotting； by cold and famine； and filth； and vermin； as fast
as can be reasonably expected。 And as to the young labourers； they are
now in almost as hopeful a condition。 They cannot get work； and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment； to a degree； that if at
any time they are accidentally hired to common labour； they have not
strength to perform it； and thus the country and themselves are happily
delivered from the evils to come。
I have too long digressed； and therefore shall return to my subject。 I
think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and
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A Modest Proposal
many； as well as of the highest importance。
For first； as I have already observed； it would greatly lessen the
number of Papists； with whom we are yearly over…run； being the principal
breeders of the nation； as well as our most dangerous enemies； and who
stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the
Pretender； hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good
Protestants； who have chosen rather to leave their country； than stay at
home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate。
Secondly； The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their
own； which by law may be made liable to a distress； and help to pay their
landlord's rent； their corn and cattle being already seized； and money a
thing unknown。
Thirdly； Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand children；
from two years old； and upwards； cannot be computed at less than ten
shillings a piece per annum； the nation's stock will be thereby encreased
fifty thousand pounds per annum； besides the profit of a new dish；
introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom； who
have any refinement in taste。 And the money will circulate among our
selves； the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture。
Fourthly； The constant breeders； besides the gain of eight shillings
sterling per annum by the sale of their children； will be rid of the charge of
maintaining them after the first year。
Fifthly； This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns； where
the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for
dressing it to perfection； and consequently have their houses frequented by
all the fine gentlemen； who justly value themselves upon their knowledge
in good eating； and a skilful cook； who understands how to oblige his
guests； will contrive to make it as expensive as they please。
Sixthly； This would be a great inducement to marriage； which all wise
nations have either encouraged by rewards； or enforced by laws and
penalties。 It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards
their children； when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor
babes； provided in some sort by the publick； to their annual profit instead
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A Modest Proposal
of expence。 We should soon see an honest emulation among the married
women； which of them could bring the fattest child to the market。 Men
would become as fond of their wives； during the time of their pregnancy；
as they are now of their mares in foal； their cows in calf； or sow when they
are ready to farrow； nor offer to beat or kick them （as is too frequent a
practice） for fear of a miscarriage。
Many other advantages might be enumerated。 For instance； the
addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel'd beef：
the propagation of swine's flesh； and improvement in the art of making
good bacon； so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs；
too frequent at our tables； which are no way comparable in taste or
magnificence to a well grown； fat yearly child； which roasted whole will
make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast； or any other publick
entertainment。 But this； and many others； I omit； being studious of brevity。
Supposing that one thousand families in this city； would be constant
customers for infants flesh； beside