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And if any were fond of pigeon shooting；
He'd ask them down to his place at Tooting。
Twas told to me。。。。etc。
In course of time there spread a rumour
That he did all this from a sense of humour。
So instead of signalling and stoking；
They gave themselves up to a course of joking。
Whenever they knew that he was riding；
They shunted his train on a lonely siding；
Or stopped all night in the middle of a tunnel；
On the plea that the boiler was a…coming through the funnel。
Twas told to me。。。etc。
It he wished to go to Perth or Stirling；
His train through several counties whirling；
Would set him down in a fit of larking；
At four a。m。 in the wilds of Barking。
This pleased his whim and seemed to strike it；
But the general public did not like it。
The receipts fell； after a few repeatings；
And he got it hot at the annual meetings。
Twas told to me。。。etc。
He followed out his whim with vigour；
The shares went down to a nominal figure。
These are the sad results proceeding
From his affable ways and his easy breeding。
The line； with its rais and guards and peelers；
Was sold for a song to marine store dealers
The shareholders are all in the work'us；
And he sells pipe…lights in the Regent Circus。
Twas told to me。。。etc。
It's very hard。 As a man I am naturally of an easy disposition。
As a manager； I am compelled to hold myself aloof； that my
influence may not be deteriorated。 As a man I am inclined to
fraternize with the pauperas a manager I am compelled to walk
around like this： Don't know yah。 Don't know yah。 Don't know yah。
＇Strides haughtily about the stage。 Jupiter； Mars； and Apollo； in
full Olympian costume appear on the three broken columns。
Thespians scream。＇
JUP； MARS； AP。 Presumptuous mortal。
THES。 Don't know ya。 Don't know yah。
JUP； MARS； AP。 ＇seated on broken pillars＇ Presumptuous mortal。
THES。 I do not know you。 I do not know you。
JUP； MARS； AP。 Presumptuous mortal。
THES。 Remove this person。
＇Stup and Prep seize Ap and Mars＇
JUP。 Stop； you evidently don't know me。 Allow me to offer you my
card。 ＇Throws flash paper＇
THES。 Ah yes； it's very pretty； but we don't want any at present。
When we do our Christmas piece； I'll let you know。 ＇Changing his
manner＇ Look here； you know this is a private party and we
haven't the pleasure of your acquaintance。 There are a good many
other mountains about； if you must have a mountain all to
yourself。 Don't make me let myself down before my company。
＇Resuming＇ Don't know yah； Don't know yah。
JUP。 I am Jupiter； the king of the gods。 This is Apollo。 This is
Mars。 ＇All kneel to them except Thespis＇
THES。 Oh。 Then as I'm a respectable man； and rather particular
about the company I keep； I think I'll go。
JUP。 Nonostop a bit。 We want to consult you on a matter of
great importance。 There。 Now we are alone。 Who are you？
THES。 I am Thespis of the Thessalian Theatres。
JUP。 The very man we want。 Now as a judge of what the public
likes are you impressed with my appearance as father of the gods？
THES。 Well to be candid with you； I am not。 In fact I'm
disappointed。
JUP。 Disappointed？
THES。 Yes； you see you're so much out of repair。 No； you don't
come up to my idea of the part。 Bless you； I've played you often。
JUP。 You have。
THES。 To be sure I have。
JUP。 And how have you dressed the part。
THES。 Fine commanding party in the prime of life。 Thunderbolt
full bearddignified mannera good eal of this sort of thin
〃Don't know ya。 Don't know yah。 Don't know yah。
JUP。 ＇much affected＇ II'm very much obliged to you。 It's very
good of you。 III used to be like that。 I can't tell you how
much I feel it。 And do you find I'm an impressive character to
play？
THES。 Well no； I can't say you are。 In fact we don't you you
much out of burlesque。
JUP。 Burlesque！
THES。 Yes； it's a painful subject； drop it； drop it。 The fact
is； you are not the gods you wereyou're behind your age。
JUP。 Well； but what are we to do？ We feel that we ought to do
something； but we don't know what。
THES。 Why don't you all go down to earth； incog； mingle with the
world； hear and see what people think of you； and judge for
yourselves as to the best means to take to restore your
influence？
JUP。 Ah； but what's to become of Olympus in the meantime？
THES。 Lor' bless you； don't distress yourself about that。 I've a
very good company； used to take long parts on the shortest
notice。 Invest us with your powers and we'll fill your places
till you return。
JUP。 ＇aside＇ The offer is tempting。 But suppose you fail？
THES。 Fail。 Oh； we never fail in our profession。 We've nothing
but great successes。
JUP。 Then it's a bargain。
THES。 It's a bargain。 ＇they shake hands on it＇
JUP。 And that you may not be entirely without assistance； we will
leave you Mercury and whenever you find yourself in a difficulty
you can consult him。 ＇enter Mercury＇
JUP。 So that's arrangedyou take my place； my boy；
While we make trial of a new existence。
At length I will be able to enjoy
The pleasures I have envied from a distance。
MER。 Compelled upon Olympus here to stop；
While the other gods go down to play the hero。
Don't be surprised if on this mountain top
You find your Mercury is down at zero。
AP。 To earth away to join in mortal acts。
And gather fresh materials to write on。
Investigate more closely； several facts；
That I for centuries have thrown some light on。
DIA。 I； as the modest moon with crescent bow。
Have always shown a light to nightly scandal；
I must say I'd like to go below；
And find out if the game is worth the candle。
＇enter all thespians； summoned by Mercury＇
MER。 Here come your people。
THES。 People better now。
THES。 While mighty Jove goes down below
With all the other deities。
I fill his place and wear his 〃clo；〃
The very part for me it is。
To mother earth to make a track；
They are all spurred and booted； too。
And you will fill； till they come back；
The parts you best are suited to。
CHO。 Here's a pretty tale for future Iliads and Odysseys
Mortals are about to personate the gods and goddesses。
Now to set the world in order； we will work in unity。
Jupiter's perplexity is Thespis's opportunity。
SPAR。 Phoebus am I； with golden ray；
The god of day； the god of day。
When shadowy night has held her sway；
I make the goddesses fly。
Tis mine the task to wake the world；
In slumber curled； in slumber curled。
By me her charms are all unfurled
The god of day am I。
CHO。 The god of day； the god of day；
The park shall our Sparkeion play；
Ha Ha； etc。
The rarest fun and rarest fare
That ever fell to mortal share
Ha ha etc。
NICE。 I am the moon； the lamp of night。
I show a light I show a light。
With radiant sheen I put to flight
The shadows of the sky。
By my fair rays； as you're aware；
Gay lovers sweargay lovers swear；
While greybeards sleep away their care；
The lamp of night am I。
CHO。 The lamp of night…the lamp of night。
Nicemis plays； to her delight。
Ha Ha Ha Ha。
The rarest fun and rarest fare；
That ever fell to mortal share；
Ha Ha Ha Ha
TIM。 Mighty old Mars； the god of war；
I'm destined forI'm destined for。
A terribly famous conqueror；
With sword upon his thigh。
When armies meet with eager shout
And warlike rout； and warlike rout；
You'll find me there without a doubt。
The God of War am I。
CHO。 The god of war； the god of war
Great Timidon is destined for。
Ha Ha Ha Ha
The rest fun and rarest fare
That ever fell to mortal share
Ha Ha Ha Ha
DAPH。 When； as the fruit of warlike deeds；
The soldier bleed； the soldier bleeds；
Calliope crowns heroic deeds；
With immortality。
From mere oblivion I reclaim
The soldier's name； the soldier's name
And write it on the roll of fame；
The muse of fame am I。
CHO。 The muse of fame； the muse of fame。
Callipe is Daphne's name。
Ha Ha Ha Ha
The rarest fun and rarest fare；
That ever fell to mortal share。
Ha Ha Ha Ha。
TUTTI。 Here's a pretty tale。
＇Enter procession of old Gods； they come down very much
astonished at all they see； then passing by； ascent the platform
that leads to the descent at the back。＇
GODS。 We will go；
Down below；
Revels rare；
We will share。
Ha Ha Ha
With a gay
Holiday
All unknown；
And alone
Ha Ha Ha。
TUTTI。 Here's a pretty tale。
＇The gods； includin