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Bleak House 1205
I never look at him； but I hear our poor dear Richard calling
him a good man。 To Ada and her pretty boy； he is the fondest
father； to me； he is what he has ever been； and what name can I
give to that？ He is my husband’s best and dearest friend； he is our
children’s darling； he is the object of our deepest love and
veneration。 Yet while I feel towards him as if he were a superior
being； I am so familiar with him； and so easy with him； that I
almost wonder at myself。 I have never lost my old names； nor has
he lost his； nor do I ever； when he is with us； sit in any other place
than in my old chair at his side。 Dame Trot； Dame Durden； Little
Woman！—all just the same as ever； and I answer； Yes； dear
Guardian！ just the same。
I have never known the wind to be in the East for a single
moment； since the day when he took me to the porch to read the
name。 I remarked to him； once； that the wind seemed never in the
East now： and he said； No； truly： it had finally departed from that
quarter on that very day。
I think my darling girl is more beautiful than ever。 The sorrow
that has been in her face—for it is not there now—seems to have
purified even its innocent expression； and to have given it a
diviner quality。 Sometimes； when I raise my eyes and see her； in
the black dress that she still wears； teaching my Richard； I feel—it
is difficult to express—as if it were so good to know that she
remembers her dear Esther in her prayers。
I call him my Richard！ But he says that he has two mamas； and
I am one。
We are not rich in the bank； but we have always prospered； and
we have quite enough。 I never walk out with my husband； but I
hear the people bless him。 I never go into a house of any degree；
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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Bleak House 1206
but I hear his praises； or see them in grateful eyes。 I never lie
down at night； but I know that in the course of that day he has
alleviated pain； and soothed some fellow…creature in the time of
need。 I know that from the beds of those who were past recovery；
thanks have often； often gone up in the last hour for his patient
ministration。 Is not this to be rich？
The people even praise Me as the doctor’s wife。 The people
even like Me as I go about； and make so much of me that I am
quite abashed。 I owe it all to him； my love； my pride！ They like me
for his sake； as I do everything I do in life for his sake。
A night or two ago； after bustling about preparing for my
darling and my Guardian and little Richard； who are coming
tomorrow； I was sitting out in the porch of all places； that dearly
memorable porch； when Allan came home。 So he said； “My
precious little woman； what are you doing here？” And I said； “The
moon is shining so brightly； Allan； and the night is so delicious；
that I have been sitting here； thinking。”
“What have you been thinking about； my dear？” said Allan
then。
“How curious you are！” said I。 “I am almost ashamed to tell
you； but I will。 I have been thinking about my old looks—such as
they were。”
“And what have you been thinking about them； my busy bee？”
said Allan。
“I have been thinking that I thought it was impossible that you
could have loved me any better； even if I had retained them。”
“—Such as they were？” said Allan laughing。
“Such as they were； of course。”
“My dear Dame Durden；” said Allan； drawing my arm through
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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Bleak House 1207
his； “do you ever look in the glass？”
“You know I do； you see me do it。”
“And don’t you know that you are prettier than you ever were？”
I did not know that； I am not certain that I know it now。 But I
know that my dearest little pets are very pretty； and that my
darling is very beautiful； and that my husband is very handsome；
and that my Guardian has the brightest and most benevolent face
that ever was seen； and that they can very well do without much
beauty in me—even supposing—。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics