按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
It must be confessed that they differ widely in the degree of
advantage which they make by their deceit； for； whereas the
beggar is contented with a little； the politician leaves but a
little behind。
〃A very great English philosopher hath remarked our policy； in
taking care never to address any one with a title inferior to
what he really claims。 My father was of the same opinion； for I
remember when I was a boy； the pope happening to pass by； I
tended him with 'Pray； sir；' 'For God's sake； sir；' 'For the
Lord's sake； sir；'To which he answered gravely； 'Sirrah；
sirrah； you ought to be whipped for taking the Lord's name in
vain；' and in vain it was indeed； for he gave me nothing。 My
father； overhearing this； took his advice； and whipped me very
severely。 While I was under correction I promised often never to
take the Lord's name in vain any more。 My father then said；
'Child； I do not whip you for taking his name in vain； I whip you
for not calling the pope his holiness。'
〃If all men were so wise and good to follow the clergy's example；
the nuisance of beggars would soon be removed。 I do not remember
to have been above twice relieved by them during my whole state
of beggary。 Once was by a very well…looking man； who gave me a
small piece of silver； and declared he had given me more than he
had left himself； the other was by a spruce young fellow； who had
that very day first put on his robes； whom I attended with 'Pray；
reverend sir； good reverend sir； consider your cloth。' He
answered； 'I do； child； consider my office； and I hope all our
cloth do the same。' He then threw down some money； and strutted
off with great dignity。
〃With the women I had one general formulary： 'Sweet pretty
lady；' 'God bless your ladyship；' 'God bless your handsome face。'
This generally succeeded； but I observed the uglier the woman
was； the surer I was of success。
〃It was a constant maxim among us； that the greater retinue any
one traveled with the less expectation we might promise ourselves
from them； but whenever we saw a vehicle with a single or no
servant we imagined our booty sure； and were seldom deceived。
〃We observed great difference introduced by time and circumstance
in the same person； for instance； a losing gamester is sometimes
generous； but from a winner you will as easily obtain his soul as
a single groat。 A lawyer traveling from his country seat to his
clients at Rome； and a physician going to visit a patient； were
always worth asking； but the same on their return were （according
to our cant phrase） untouchable。
〃The most general； and indeed the truest； maxim among us was；
that those who possessed the least were always the readiest to
give。 The chief art of a beggar…man is； therefore； to discern
the rich from the poor； which； though it be only distinguishing
substance from shadow； is by no means attainable without a pretty
good capacity and a vast degree of attention； for these two are
eternally industrious in endeavoring to counterfeit each other。
In this deceit the poor man is more heartily in earnest to
deceive you than the rich； who； amidst all the emblems of poverty
which he puts on； still permits some mark of his wealth to strike
the eye。 Thus； while his apparel is not worth a groat； his
finger wears a ring of value； or his pocket a gold watch。 In a
word； he seems rather to affect poverty to insult than impose on
you。 Now the poor man； on the contrary； is very sincere in his
desire of passing for rich； but the eagerness of this desire
hurries him to over…act his part； and he betrays himself as one
who is drunk by his overacted sobriety。 Thus； instead of being
attended by one servant well mounted； he will have two； and； not
being able to purchase or maintain a second horse of value； one
of his servants at least is mounted on a hired rascallion。 He is
not contented to go plain and neat in his clothes； he therefore
claps on some tawdry ornament； and what he adds to the fineness
of his vestment he detracts from the fineness of his linen。
Without descending into more minute particulars； I believe I may
assert it as an axiom of indubitable truth； that whoever shows
you he is either in himself or his equipage as gaudy as he can；
convinces you he is more so than he can afford。 Now； whenever a
man's expense exceeds his income； he is indifferent in the
degree； we had therefore nothing more to do with such than to
flatter them with their wealth and splendor； and were always
certain of success。
〃There is； indeed； one kind of rich man who is commonly more
liberal； namely； where riches surprise him； as it were； in the
midst of poverty and distress； the consequence of which is； I
own； sometimes excessive avarice； but oftener extreme
prodigality。 I remember one of these who； having received a
pretty large sum of money； gave me； when I begged an obolus； a
whole talent； on which his friend having reproved him； he
answered； with an oath； 'Why not？ Have I not fifty left？'
〃The life of a beggar； if men estimated things by their real
essence； and not by their outward false appearance； would be；
perhaps； a more desirable situation than any of those which
ambition persuades us； with such difficulty； danger； and often
villainy； to aspire to。 The wants of a beggar are commonly as
chimerical as the abundance of a nobleman； for besides vanity；
which a judicious beggar will always apply to with wonderful
efficacy； there are in reality very few natures so hardened as
not to compassionate poverty and distress； when the predominancy
of some other passion doth not prevent them。
〃There is one happiness which attends money got with ease；
namely； that it is never hoarded； otherwise； as we have frequent
opportunities of growing rich； that canker care might prey upon
our quiet； as it doth on others； but our money stock we spend as
fast as we acquire it； usually at least； for I speak not without
exception； thus it gives us mirth only； and no trouble。 Indeed；
the luxury of our lives might introduce diseases； did not our
daily exercise prevent them。 This gives us an appetite and
relish for our dainties； and at the same time an antidote against
the evil effects which sloth； united with luxury； induces on the
habit of a human body。 Our women we enjoy with ecstasies at
least equal to what the greatest men feel in their embraces。 I
can； I am assured； say of myself； that no mortal could reap more
perfect happiness from the tender passion than my fortune had
decreed me。 I married a charming young woman for love； she was
the daughter of a neighboring beggar； who； with an improvidence
too often seen； spent a very large income which he procured by
his profession； so that he was able to give her no fortune down；
however； at his death he left her a very well accustomed
begging…hut； situated on the side of a steep hill； where
travelers could not immediately escape from us； and a garden
adjoining； being the twenty…eighth part of an acre； well planted。
She made the best of wives； bore me nineteen children； and never
failed； unless on her lying…in； which generally lasted three
days； to get my supper ready against my return home in an
evening； this being my favorite meal； and at which I； as well as
my whole family； greatly enjoyed ourselves； the principal subject
of our discourse being generally the boons we had that day
obtained； on which occasions； laughing at the folly of the donors
made no inconsiderable part of the entertainment； for； whatever
might be their motive for giving； we constantly imputed our
success to our having flattered their vanity； or overreached
their understanding。
〃But perhaps I have dwelt too long on this character； I shall
conclude； therefore； with telling you that after a life of 102
years' continuance； during all which I had never known any
sickness or infirmity but that which old age necessarily induced；
I at last； without the least pain； went out like the snuff of a
candle。
〃Minos； having heard my history； bid me compute； if I could； how
many lies I had told in my life。 As we are here； by a certain
fated necessity； obliged to confine ourselves to truth； I
answered； I believed about 50；000；000。 He then replied； with a
frown； 'Can such a wretch conceive any hopes of entering
Elysium？' I immediately turned about； and； upon the whole； was
rejoiced at his not calling me back。〃
CHAPTER XX
Julian performs the part of a statesman。
〃It was now my fortune to be born of a German princess； but a
man…midwife； pulling my head off in delivering my mother； put a
speedy end to my princely life。
〃Spirits who end their lives before they are at the age of five
years are immediately ordered into other bodies； and it was now
my fortune to perform several infancies before I could again
entitle myself to an examination of Minos。
〃At length I was destined onc