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after many maidens had approached with outstretched hands and gestures
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of despairthere presently entered a person wearing the helmet of a
warrior and the manner of a high official； who spoke strongly； yet
persuasively； of the virtues of immediate movement and a quiet and
reposeful bearing。
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of food；
and all matters connected with it； must inevitably remain barbaric；
however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement。 It is said；
although I do not commit this matter to my own brush； that among them
are more books composed on subjects which have no actual existence than
on cooking； and； incredible as it may appear； to be exceptionally round…
bodied confers no public honour upon the individual。 Should a favourable
occasion present itself； there are many who do not scruple to jest upon the
subject of food； or； what is incalculably more depraved； upon the scarcity
of it。
Nevertheless； there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance。
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was
recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang…Tsun； the
merchant in tea and spices。 This versatile person； whose business…name is
spoken of as Jones Bob…Jones； is worthy of all benignant respect； and in a
really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a more exalted
position than that of a breaker of outsides （an occupation difficult to
express adequately in the written language of a country where it is
unknown）； for his face is like the sun setting in the time of harvest； his
waist garment excessive； and the undoubted symmetry of his middle
portions honourable in the extreme。 So welcome in my eyes； after
witnessing an unending stream of concave and attenuated barbarian ghosts；
was the sight of these perfections of Jones Bob…Jones； that instead of the
formal greeting of this Islandthe unmeaning 〃How do you do it？〃I
shook hands cordially with myself； and exclaimed affectionately in our
own language； 〃Illimitable felicities！ How is your stomach？〃
〃Well；〃 replied Jones Bob…Jones； after Quang…Tsun had interpreted this
polite salutation to his understanding； 〃since you mention it； that's just the
trouble； but I'm going on pretty well； thanks。 I've tried most of the
advertised things； and now my doctor has put me practically on a bread…
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and…water courseclear soup； boiled fish； plain joint； no sweets； a crumb
of cheese； and a bare three glasses of Hermitage。〃
During this amiable remark （of which； as it is somewhat of a technical
nature； I was unable to grasp the contained significance until the agreeable
Quang…Tsun had subsequently repeated it several times for my retention）； I
maintained a consistent expression of harmonious agreement and gratified
esteem （suitable； I find； for all like occasions）； and then； judging from the
sympathetic animation of Jones Bob…Jones's countenance； that it had not
improbably been connected with food； I discreetly introduced the subject
of sea…snails； preserved in the essence of crushed peaches； by courteously
inquiring whether he had ever partaken of such a delicacy。
〃No；〃 replied the liberal…minded person； whenencouraged by the
protruding eagerness of his eyes at the mention of the viandI had further
spoken of the refined flavour of the dish； and explained the manner of its
preparation。 〃I can't say that I have； but it sounds uncommonly good
something like turtle； I should imagine。 I'll see if they can get it for me at
Pimm's。〃
This filial tribute goes by a trusty hand； in the person of one Ki Nihy；
who is shortly committing himself to the protection of his ancestors and
the voracity of the unbounded Bitter Waters； and with brightness and gold
it will doubtless reach you in the course of twelve or eighteen moons。 The
superstitious here； this person may describe； when they wish to send
messages from one to another； inscribe upon the outer cover a written
representation of the one whose habitation they require； and after affixing
a small paper talisman； drop it into a hole in the nearest wall； in the hope
that it may be ultimately conveyed to the appointed spot； either by the
services of the charitably…disposed passer…by； or by the intervention of the
beneficent deities。
With a multiplicity of greetings and many abject expressions of a
conscious inferiority； and attested by an unvarying thumb…mark。
KONG HO。 （Effete branch of a pure and magnanimous trunk。）
To Kong Ah…Paik； reclining beneath the sign of the Lead Tortoise； in a
northerly direction beyond the Lotus Beds outside the city of Yuen…ping。
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The Middle Flowery Kingdom。
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LETTER II
Concerning the ill…destined manner of existence of the hound
Hercules。 The thoughtlessly…expressed desire of the entrancing maiden and
its effect upon a person of susceptible refinement。 The opportune （as it
may yet be described） visit of one Herbert。 The behaviour of those around。
Reflections。
VENERATED SIRE （whose large right hand is continuously floating
in spirit over the image of this person's dutiful submission）；
Doubtless to your all…consuming prescience； it will at once become
plain that I have abandoned the place of residence from which I directed
my former badly…written and offensively…constructed letter； the house of
the sympathetic and resourceful Maidens Blank； where in return for an
utterly inadequate sum of money； produced at stated intervals； this very
much inferior person was allowed to partake of a delicately…balanced and
somewhat unvarying fare in the company of the engaging of both sexes；
and afterwards to associate on terms of honourable equality with them in
the chief apartment。 The reason and manner of this one's departure are in
no degree formidable to his refined manner of conducting any enterprise；
but arose partly from an insufficient grasp of the more elaborate outlines
of a confessedly involved language； and still more from a too excessive
impetuousness in carrying out what at the time he believed to be the
ambition of one who had come to exercise a melodious influence over his
most internal emotions。 Well remarked the Sage； 〃A piece of gold may be
tried between the teeth； a written promise to pay may be disposed of at a
sacrifice to one more credulous； but what shall be said of the wind； the
Hoang Ho； and the way of a woman？〃
To contrive a pitfall for this short…sighted person's immature feet；
certain malicious spirits had so willed it that the chief and more autumnal
of the Maidens Blank （who； nevertheless； wore an excessively flower…like
name）； had long lavished herself upon the possession of an obtuse and
self…assertive hound； which was in the habit of gratifying this
inconsiderable person and those who sat around by continually depositing
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upon their unworthy garments details of its outer surface； and when the
weather was more than usually cold； by stretching its graceful and refined
body before the fire in such a way as to ensure that no one should suffer
from a too acute exposure to the heat。 From these causes； and because it
was by nature a hound which even on the darkest night could be detected
at a more than reasonable distance away； while at all times it did not
hesitate to shake itself freely into the various prepared viands； this person