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〃But 。 。 。 I could 。 。 。〃 He could think of no defense for his heart
〃I could not。 Foe me； it would be the same as you wanting to be with your mother； and instead having Shota； appearing to be your mother。 But she wasn't。 It would just be an illusion of love。 Do you understand？〃 she cried。 〃Would that bring you any true joy？。。
Richard felt the hopes of his world collapsing in the flames of his understanding。 His heart sank into the ashes。
〃The spirit house；〃 he asked in a dry voice； 〃is that what Shota was talking about？ Is that when you came within a breath of using your power on me？〃 His tone was a little colder than he wished it to be。
〃Yes。〃 Her voice broke with emotion as she tried to keep from crying。 〃I'm sorry； Richard。〃 She knitted her fingers together。 〃I have never before cared for anyone the way I care for you。 I wanted to be with you so badly。 I almost forgot who I was。 I almost didn't care。〃 Tears started running down her cheeks。 〃Do you see now how dangerous my power is？ Do you see how Easily I could destroy you？ If you hadn't stopped me when you did 。 。 。 you would have been lost。〃
He felt an agony of passion for her； for what she was； and for the fact that she couldn't do anything about it； and he felt the ache of his own pain at the feeling of loss； even though he realized now that there was nothing to lose； she could never have been his； or more precisely； he hers； it all had just been a fantasy in his mind。
Zedd had tried to warn him； tried to save him this pain。 Why couldn't he have listened？ Why did he have to be so stupid and think he would be smart enough to figure something out？ He knew why。 He stood slowly and took a step to the fire so she wouldn't see his tears。 He kept swallowing so he could try to talk。
〃Why do you always say ‘she；' ‘her；' ‘daughter'？ Why always women？ What of the men； don't Confessors bear male children？〃 He realized his voice sounded as if it were scraping over gravel。
He listened to the fire crackling for a long time as she didn't answer。 He turned back to her when he heard her crying。 She looked up and held her hand out for him to help her up。 Once up； she leaned against the log； pulled her long hair back from her face； and then folded her arms below her breasts
〃Yes； Confessors bear male children。 Not as often as in the past； but they still do。〃 She cleared her throat。 〃But the power is stronger in them； they need no time to recover。 Sometimes； the power bees everything to them； corrupts them。 This is the mistake the wizards made。
〃They chose women for this very reason； but didn't give sufficient thought to how the power would take on a life of its own。 They didn't foresee how the power would be passed on to the offspring； and be so different in men。
〃Long ago； a few male Confessors joined forces； and brought about a terrible reign of cruelty。 It was called the dark time。 They were the cause of it。 It was a time something like now； with Darken Rahl。 At last； the wizards hunted them all down and killed them。 Many of the wizards died too。 From that time； the wizards withdrew from trying to rule the lands。 Too many of them had been killed anyway。 Instead； now they only try to serve the people； to help where they can。 But they no longer interfere with rulers if they can help it。 They have learned bitter lessons。〃
Kahlan looked down； away from his eyes as she went on。 〃For some reason； it takes the unique passion of a woman to handle the power； to be free from its corrupting influence。 The wizards don't know the reason for this。 It is similar with the Seeker： he must be the right one； one found by a wizard； or he will use the power for corrupt reasons。 That is why Zedd was so angry at the council of the Midlands for taking the naming away from him。 Male Confessors； not all； but most； cannot retain their sense of balance with the power。 They don't have the strength to hold it back when they should。〃 She peered up at him。
〃When they wanted a woman； they simply used the power and took her。 Many women。 They had no restraint； no sense of responsibility for what they were doing。 From what I have been told； the dark time was one long night of terror。 Their reign lasted for years。 The wizards had to do a lot of killing。 They eventually killed all the offspring of this lust； to prevent the power from spreading； uncontrolled。 To say the wizards were displeased would not touch it。〃
〃So what happens now？〃 he asked warily。 〃What happens when a Confessor bears a male child？〃
She cleared her throat again； swallowing back her sobs
〃When a boy is born to a Confessor； he is brought to a special place in the center of Aydindril； where his mother places him on the Stone。〃 She shifted her weight； she was clearly having difficulty telling him about this。 He took her soft hand in both of his and rubbed the back of it with his thumbs； even though he felt for the first time that he had no business touching her in a familiar manner。 〃As I told you； a man touched by a Confessor will do whatever she tells him。〃 He could feel her hand trembling。 〃The mother mands her husband in what she is to do 。 。 。 and he 。 。 。 he places a rod over the baby's throat 。 。 。 and 。 。 。 and he steps on both ends。〃
Richard released her hand。 Running the fingers of both hands through his hair； he turned to the fire。 〃Every boy child？〃
〃Yes；〃 she admitted in a voice he could hardly hear。 〃No chance can be taken that any male Confessor lives； because he might be one who could not handle the power； and would use it to gain dominance for himself； bring back the dark times。 The wizards and the other Confessors watch carefully any Confessor who is with child； and do everything they can to fort her if it is a boy； and therefore must be 。 。 。〃 Her voice trailed off。
Richard suddenly realized that he hated the Midlands…hated
it with a vengeance second only to what he felt toward Darken
Rahl。 For the first time； he understood why those in Westland had wanted a place to live without magic。 He wished he could be back there； away from any magic。 Tears came to his eyes when he thought of how much he missed the Hartland Woods。 He vowed to himself that if he stopped Rahl； he would see to it that the boundary was put back up。 Zedd would help with that； there was no doubt。 Richard understood now why Zedd； too； had wanted to be away from the Midlands。 And when the boundary went back up； Richard would be on the other side。 For as long as he lived。 _
But first； there would be the matter of the sword； he would not give back the Sword of Truth。 He would destroy it。
〃Thank you； Kahlan；〃 he forced himself to say； 〃for telling me。 I wouldn't have wanted to hear this from another。〃 He felt his world withering to nothing。 He had always seen stopping Rahl as the beginning of his life； a point from where he went forward and anything was possible。 Now stopping Rahl was an end
Not only of Rahl； but of him； too； there was nothing beyond that； everything beyond was dead。 When he stopped Rahl； and Kahlan was safe； he would go back to the Hartland Woods； alone； and his life would be over。
He could hear her crying behind him。 〃Richard； if you want me to leave； please do not be afraid to tell me so。 I will understand it。 It is something a Confessor is used to。〃
He looked down at the dying fire for a moment and then closed his eyes tight； forcing back the lump in his throat； the tears。 Pain seared through his chest as it sank with his labored breathing。
〃Please； Kahlan； is there any way；〃 he asked； 〃any way at all 。 。 。 that we could 。 。 。 for us 。 。 。〃
〃No；〃 she moaned。
He rubbed his shaking hands together。 Everything was lost to him。
〃Kahlan；〃 he managed at last； 〃is there any law； or rule or something； that says we can't； be friends？〃
She answered in a whining cry。 〃No。〃
He turned numbly to her and put his arms around her。 〃I could really use a friend right now；〃 he whispered。
〃Me too；〃 she cried against his chest as she hugged him back。 〃But I can be no more。〃
〃I know；〃 he said as tears ran down his cheeks。 〃But Kahlan； I love 。 。 。
She put her fingers to his lips to silence him。 〃Don't say that；〃 she cried。 〃Please； Richard； don't ever say that。〃
She could stop him from saying it out loud； but not in his mind。
She clung to him； sobbing； and he remembered when they had been in the wayward pine after they first met； and the underworld had almost reclaimed her； she had clung to him； and he had thought at the time that she was not used to having anyone hold her。 Now he knew why。 He laid his cheek against the top of her head。
A small flame of his anger flickered in the ashes of his dreams。 〃Have you picked your mate 。yet？〃
She shook her head。 〃There are more important things to worry about right now。 But if we win； and I live 。。。 then I must。〃
〃Make one promise for me。〃
〃If I can。〃
His throat felt so hot he had to swallow twice to talk。 〃Promise me you won't pick him until I'm back in Westland。 I don't want to know who it is。〃
She sobbed for a moment before she answered； her fi